BE a Mixer

People need to stop saying ‘I don’t see color’. Not only can that not possibly be true, it's also offensive. All of us see color. We also see size, shape, attractiveness, style, and age- just to name a few. Integral to our processing of others are the visual clues that we perceive when we first see them. Our brains rely on our sense of sight- along with our other senses to a lesser degree- to begin the judgement/perception process at the point of contact. I’m sure this is an intrinsic part of our DNA since the caveman days when we had to see others (other species or tribes) and quickly analyze if we needed to fight, flee, or could interact.

As we’ve evolved over time, we have begun to categorize people based on these visual clues in the context of what we’ve seen, read, learned, and experienced. Tantamount to our judgements are the stereotypes that have been perpetuated by society via education, social media, etc. It’s all very sad to admit, but I’m afraid it’s true.

Now, when someone says ‘I don’t see color’ I believe what they are trying to imply is that they aren't racist. Maybe that's true, but I think what they should really say is ‘I see color (or size or age, etc), but I’m open minded’. Being open minded simply means that yes, my brain registers certain preconceived notions that I have based on my life’s experiences and education, but I am willing, and maybe even hopeful, that I can be proved wrong. And, in my opinion, the only way to truly be open minded is to BE a mixer.

A mixer is someone who quite literally mixes with other who are not like them in some way. This is much more difficult than it seems. Unfortunately, I think there are a lot of people out there who tend to only hang with "like" people - that is, people of the same race, religion, political persuasion, socioeconomic status, geographic background, etc. My guess is that this is simply what is most comfortable for them, but I also think fear of the unknown prevents people from mixing as do learned biases, plain old laziness, and geographical restrictions.

Mixing is the only way for our brains to blow up all those stereotypes we’ve been fed all our lives. It’s the one chance we have to rewire our thought processes and begin the journey toward full and complete open mindedness. How many times have you, for example, seen a gorgeous well dressed person and thought 'oh they are going to be a complete snob'? Ok, maybe that's me 🤣...I have a definite negative bias to rich, good-looking people! Anyway, at least 50% of the time (if not more) I'm surprised to find that that person is ,in fact, super nice, kind, and humble! Every time that happens the preconceived notions in my mind about rich beautiful people start to crack. Those cracks represent progress! The more I mix and develop cracks the more my initial preconceived notions evaporate helping me on my journey to leading an open minded life.

I get that it’s hard, but we as a society need to do a better job of mixing if we are to live in a fully evolved and peaceful world. I don’t expect anyone to sell their home and move to a more diverse neighborhood- although that would be ideal! However, there are things we can all do without taking drastic steps like that.

Start by mixing more at work and at school. Ask someone different than you (gender, sexuality, size, age, color, etc. ) to lunch! If that’s not possible, open your mind by listening to podcasts, reading books, and watching documentaries. Although social media is at fault for perpetuating many stereotypes, it also affords us many platforms from which we can learn and grow in this area. Even interacting with others in a check-out line has an impact. No amount of mixing is too little! And as you mix, you will start to realize that the stereotypes you hold are very often not true at all. You will begin to rewire your brain to not be so stuck on absolute categorization of a race or a size, etc. Instead, you’ll start to see the good in others as individuals and your mind and heart will start the process of authentically opening.

I was so blessed to grow up in a geographic area and school system that allowed me to mix on a regular basis. Not only was I surrounded by people of different shapes, sizes, ages, genders, sexualities (as most of you most likely were), I also had constant interaction with people of different religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses. I only realized my good fortune after graduating high school and going to a VERY unmixed college where, for the first time I understood that everyones town and school were not similarly mixed. Because I was mixing organically, my brain simply grew to be wired differently. Any stereotype that was fed to me later in life was automatically debunked by my own personal experiences and interactions. Mixing shaped me into the person I am today and of that I am so grateful.

Am I perfect? No! Can I honestly say I do not see color? No! But, I know for sure that I am more open minded and able/willing to judge someone fully ONLY after having interacted with them than most people seem to be. I’d also like to think that my childhood mixing impacted the way I raised my children so although they did not grow up in an area that afforded them opportunities to mix, they still benefited from having a parent that did.

So, this summer BE a mixer! Seek out interactions with anyone different from you and do so with an open mind and heart. Mixing it up is not only beneficial for you- it’s good for the other person too! And each time we mix, we move a tiny bit closer to realizing that our common humanity is all that matters. We come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors, but we strive for the same things in life- health and happiness. Our mutual end goal should be the actualization of the intent behind the words 'I don’t see color'….but we can only get there if we strive to mix as much as possible. BE a Mixer!