BE Grateful NOT Guilty

Gratitude is like an emotional muscle that we have to make a conscious effort to exercise. Sure, it's easy to be grateful when things are going well in your life. We all feel thankful when we get a raise or a promotion, when we are enjoying a day at the beach, or when our kids do something that makes us proud. But, I'd like to challenge you to find opportunities to be grateful even when you are experiencing negative emotions.

I learned this lesson last summer as I embarked on a deep dive into my genealogy. What started as a typical, semi-annual check of my ancestry.com tree turned into an intense, long-lasting research project. It's a project that will last years, I imagine, and while it has had so many benefits like: reconnecting with relatives; discovering amazing stories; and filling in holes in my family timeline - it has also negatively impacted my psyche in the form of guilt.

I was feeling guilty- really, really guilty as I realized that I am living an extremely blessed life while many of my ancestors and living relatives are not. That awareness was something I felt deeply in my soul and it caused me to pause and consider some important questions: WHY? and HOW? Why was I in a better situation than some of my relatives? How did members of the same family, with the same upbringing, make such different life choices? It was during the process of answering those questions that I had my AHA moment...feelings of guilt can be eliminated through gratitude.

You see, I owe a great deal of gratitude to my parents and grandparents because had they not made the sacrifices and choices they had I would not be living the life I am today. In particular, I owe a great deal of thanks to my Dad. He was the oldest of six children born to a poor family. It would have been easiest for him to stay in the small town in which he grew up, or thereabouts, and get a blue collar job after high school as most of his siblings ultimately did. But, he made some uprecedented and brave decisions which would lead to him changing the trajectory of his life and by expansion, mine.

However, let me take a step back and first thank my Mom Mom (his mom) for instilling the love of reading in him. Through example, she showed him how being a voracious reader can lead to greater intelligence and a broader view of the world and life. Reading wet his palette for knowledge and he wanted more in the form of education. I also want to thank my Pop Pop (his dad) because he showed my Dad how to be both mischievous and lovable, while also inspiring him to give back to his country. With the smarts, the desire, the personality, and the calling from his parents, my Dad left his small town to join the U.S. Army, got the G.I. Bill, and used it to get both his bachelors and masters degrees in business. I am so grateful to him for making those choices because in doing so he set forth a pattern for all his descendants to follow.

My Dad didn't just assume education was the key to a better life- he proved it, and I got to reap the benefits. We lived a very content middle class life and it was always drilled into us that education was THE most important thing. We were never asked IF we wanted to go to college; we were instead asked WHERE we wanted to go to college. Sadly, his siblings did not follow his path to higher education and, as happens often in families, neither did most of their children- my cousins. While my Dad's decisions and actions set in motion a better life for me, his siblings lack thereof may have lead to a harder one for their children. {Note: Of course, a college-education is not the only path to happiness and prosperity, but in this day and age I don't think it can be denied that it helps a lot!}

Although when I do some of my ancestry work I still feel pangs of guilt, I am now able to shift those emotions through gratitude. Just thinking about how brave and hard working my Dad was makes me happy and oh so grateful! He fought an uphill battle, but never gave up. It's that kind of can-do spirit that he imparted to me along with his love of reading and belief in education. These are gifts that keeps on giving- to me, his grandchildren, and beyond. I am no longer guilty about my good fortune because I am filled with GRATITUDE! I realize that my blessings exist not only because of all my hard work, but also because of that of all my ancestors.

So, this holiday season BE GRATEFUL! Not just for the gifts, parties, and decorations, etc., but for your family- both immediate and distant; and both living and deceased -who helped you become who you are. And, remember that gratitude not only liberates you from your guilt, it also boosts happiness; decreases stress; helps you have healthier relationships and a stronger immune system; and allows you to do better both academically and at work! It's literally the best gift you can give yourself! But, guess what? That's not even the best part of leading a grateful life. Gratitude is CONTAGIOUS! The more you practice gratitude the more it compounds and spreads to those you love. Never stop looking for opportunities for gratitude...they exist in the future, the present, and...the past.