BE Inspired

Letter # 10 in a series...

Lesson: Learn from the regrets of others.

Dear Future Grandchildren,

I've lived an amazing life so far and for that, I am SO grateful. But, if I’m being completely honest, I do have a few regrets. Nothing major, but if I could go back in time, I think I’d make a few slight changes.  Today I’ll share with you three of my biggest regrets because I think they provide valuable life lessons.

Regret #1 - Not using my voice.  Joe D. from my kindergarten class was a menace.  He bothered all the little girls, but mostly me - who he had a crush on. During lessons he was always staring at me and at story time he always tried to sit next to me 😡.  But, the very worst thing about Joe D. was how he ruined recess. 

When Mrs. Boucher, my kindergarten teacher, would announce that it was time for recess all the kids would jump up and run to their toy of choice.  The boys usually ran to the playground and the girls usually ran to the play kitchen.  {I wish that wasn’t so stereotypical, but that’s honestly how it was back then. Has it changed?}  Anyway, I too would often run toward the kitchen, but most of the time the bossier girls would get there first and they weren’t great at sharing so... I’d head to my second choice which was the slide. 

The slide was in the small fenced-in playground right off our classroom that was exclusively for the kindergartners. Since the majority of the boys played outside this is where Joe D. was and somehow he always managed to spot me when I came out.  I'd head over to the slide and start my climb up the ladder. Once I was at the top, I’d sit down and get ready to push off and that’s when I’d see him…stupid Joe D. standing there blocking the bottom of the slide with a creepy smile on his face. UGH!  Horrified, I would carefully turn back around and start climbing back down the ladder- not super easy to do when you are 5 and in a dress! While I did this though, that bugger would run around and block the bottom of the ladder. I was trapped! This cat and mouse routine would go on for a few more reps until finally I had no choice but to slide down. I remember trying to use my feet to kind of kick him out of the way as I approached the bottom and then running as fast as I could back inside to the kitchen where I’d spend the rest of my recess watching the other girls hog the pots and pans in the play kitchen.

Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t scared of Joe D. at all. I was just incredibly annoyed by him because he was relentless and because he was ruining my recess! My regret is that I never told him to buzz off, to leave me alone, or to knock it off. And, I never told my teacher. Why didn’t I say anything, you ask? I don’t really know, but I think I was just a very shy and very well behaved little girl who didn’t want to make a scene or get in trouble. Instead, I eventually just stopped using the slide all together. I let him win all because I didn’t use my voice. 

There would be many other times in my life when I wish I used my voice- responding to a rude comment; sticking up for one of my friends who was being bullied; asking a professor why she gave me a certain grade on a paper; or even asking for a raise at work. How I regret not speaking up! But, rest assured there were times when I DID use my voice and you know what? Doing so didn’t always change the situation, but it did always make me feel EMPOWERED.  It made me feel like I counted and that my opinion mattered. Plus, when I spoke up, the people around me began to respect me more too!  So, grandkids, it’s important that you use your voice- as long as you do so in a calm, respectful and productive manner. You’ll have fewer regrets and will grow to become a more powerful YOU! 

Regret #2 -  Not reading more. Listen, listen, listen...I can almost hear your moan as I write these words, but let me explain. I know right now you probably want to play video games or hang with your friends or watch more Netflix {Does Netflix still exist?} instead of reading, but let me tell you a secret…reading makes you smarter 🤓. That’s right, the single most effective way for you to become a smarter person is by reading. And guess what? The coolest thing is that you’ll get smarter without even trying! What I mean is that while reading, your brain will almost effortlessly and unconsciously learn spelling and vocabulary.  You’ll also pick up sentence structure details and learn to think creatively. Plus, you'll become more worldly because through books, you’ll meet all different types of people and travel to all different types of places. And there's one more big bonus... reading is not only good for you, it's also incredibly enjoyable!

I hated reading when I was young and the books they made us read in English class didn’t help. I’m sorry, but I did not enjoy The Odyssey and the Iliad; or Animal Farm; or ANY Shakespeare works… YUCK!  Didn’t understand them…didn’t enjoy reading them…didn’t get anything out of them. But, here’s the good news…there ARE books out there that you will think are great!  And, I promise you that when you find the right books you won't want to stop reading them. You'll look at the time and be amazed that hours have gone by in what seemed like minutes. You'll feel sad when you’ve finished reading the book because you’ll want more. You'll become addicted to this very relaxing and engaging past-time and immediately start looking for your next book.  Now, finding the right books can be challenging, so I suggest reading the story summaries online; asking friends who have similar interests for recommendations; and looking for books about subjects that interest you. I also find that if I like one book by a certain author, I often like the other books she wrote too. Trust me, your older self with thank you if you start reading more now!

Regret #3 - Not letting my talents guide me. I was born with a huge arch in my foot and natural physical flexibility. These two god-given attributes enabled me to shine in my ballet classes. At age 4 my teacher came up to my parents, after our in-class recital, to tell them that I had "the foot of a dancer." And, my leg holds often elicited gasps from my teachers because of how high, straight and with ease I could perform them. These physical advantages allowed me to grow and improve as a dancer quickly and with ease. But, in the summer before 7th grade I had to make a choice...try and play lacrosse (a completely new sport for me) for the middle school team or continue taking ballet at a new studio (because I had maxed out at my current one). Time wise I was not going to be able to fit both in to my activity schedule so, I had to choose.

I picked lacrosse. Why? Because no one I knew was still taking ballet and all the cool girls were going out for lacrosse. At age 11, it’s hard not to follow the pack, but I regret not continuing with ballet because my potential to develop in that activity was immense. Sure, I enjoyed playing lacrosse and I was decent at it, but I was born with a dancer's body and I've always wondered what I could have achieved if I had pursued it further.

You are a unique individual and as you grow up you will discover what your natural talents are. Maybe you'll be great with animals. Maybe you'll have amazing hand eye coordination. Or maybe you'll be a strong drawer. Whatever your talents are, consider them when you make decisions about what activities to pursue, what college major to select, and what career to seek, etc. Doing so will help you live a life authentically suited just for YOU!

So grandchildren, don’t have the same regrets I do. Politely use your voice when you feel it's necessary. You'll feel empowered and will earn the respect of others and yourself. And, no matter what you think now…READING IS AWESOME! I would not have believed me at your age, but please promise to try and read more. Maybe set a goal of reading 20 minutes per day? Finally, sometimes making decisions is hard and confusing, but if you follow your heart and let your talents guide you, you will have a much better chance of achieving your full potential. A life of regrets can be an unhappy one...take time to consider your choices and make decisions thoughtfully.

Love,

Nana XOXO