BE Inspired

Letter #7 in a series...

Lesson: Being shy is awesome.

Dear Future Grandchildren,

According to the Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital “About 20% of children have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy.” Your Nana (me) was one of them. I was quiet, self conscious, timid, and sensitive. And, while none of those qualities are inherently bad, for some reason my parents, and many others throughout my lifetime, tried to change me.

My parents may have been more accepting of my personality if it wasn’t for my older sister who was the antithesis of shy. Great Aunt Martina was an extremely gregarious, talkative, comfortable, and confident child. She had big blue eyes, gorgeous long brown curls, and was adored by all. Then I came along...a petite, light/straight haired, hazel eyed, and painfully shy little girl. And, while my parents definitely loved me, there was no denying they felt I’d be happier if I were more like my sister.

A few of the ways they tried to make me less shy involved curlers, pageants, and phones. I was forced to sleep in curlers (FYI- NOT comfortable!) for much of my early childhood. Before every holiday, family gathering, or photo-op, I was put in curlers so that I looked more like my extroverted sister and also because I think my mom thought that curly hair symbolized a bubbly personality. Next, in an effort to make me come out of my shell, they signed me up for local toddler beauty pageants. They weren’t quite like Jon Benet Ramsey and Honey Boo Boo’s pageants {google them} - thank gosh, but they were just as awful for me. I vividly remember more than once being lead down an aisle of an auditorium and onto a stage by my mom. Then she would point to a chair, turn and walk away. Now, I may have only been three or four years old at the time, but I knew immediately that I didn’t like what was happening so I promptly walked myself right off the stage- one time turning around and going backward down the stairs sorta crawling because that’s how young I was. And then, of course, was the new rule that my parents made when I was in elementary school making me solely responsible for answering the phone in our house. Remember, way back then the whole family shared one landline phone {google it} so it rang… a lot! They used to make me practice saying “Hello, Hubbert residence. Jennifer speaking.” It was torture. And, guess what? In the end, none of these efforts made me any less shy. They did, however, lead me to hating…my now naturally curly hair; being the center of attention; and talking on the phone!

But, my parents weren’t the only ones who tried to make me less shy- my teachers did too. Since I was two years behind Great Aunt Martina in school, I often got her same teachers. Inevitably, sometime during the year- often multiple times- they would comment about how different I was from my sister. So much quieter. So much more reserved. I remember thinking “I’m different from her because I am not her!" Every summer I’d pray that I would not be assigned to a teacher that knew my sister. Argh! Then there was the individualized academic enhancement program that was created for me after I tested into the gifted program in 4th grade. For the most part, being in the gifted program was great. Once a week all the gifted kids got together for a special lesson on something cool, but then we each had specific tasks that our advisors felt would benefit us most. Of course mine focused on making me less shy by strengthening my public speaking skills. To accomplish this, I was assigned extra oral reports. Yes, you read that right! No one liked doing oral reports and now I had to do more than all the other kids in my class??!! It certainly felt like punishment not enhancement.

Now here's the thing that my parents and teachers completely missed…being shy is awesome. Shy people are not lesser than in anyway and, in fact, I’d argue they are better than many! As a shy kid, I was always quiet, respectful, and well-behaved…what parent and teacher wouldn’t appreciate those qualities? It’s true that I preferred one-on-one playdates to parties, but as a result I was able to create very meaningful, close relationships with a small number of friends. These more intense relationships taught me to be a great listener, supporter, and empathizer. Being shy is also great because instead of constantly talking or being engaged with my surroundings, I spent my time observing. This enabled me to develop a keen understanding of different personalities and situations which in turn allowed me to become an insightful and inclusive person who is both open-minded and creative. And, my childhood shyness allowed me to grow into an independent adult who achieves without the need for fanfare or accolades and is empowered by the act of giving itself. You see, shyness turned out to be one of my best qualities.

There are literally SO many benefits to being shy that I wish I could go back and tell my parents not to worry about me. That I would, in time, out grow some of my shyness and be able to exist in this world in a meaningful, productive, and successful way. That I probably would have benefited more from them letting me be shy than from them trying to change me. That I really wanted them just to love me for who I was rather than to compare me with my sister. That each person is special because they are completely and beautifully unique. As a wise person once said, “Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.”

So, grandkids… BE SHY! Or… be loud, funny, smart, athletic, outgoing, weird, adventurous, or whatever you are! You were born with certain genetic personality traits and you shouldn’t let others (including your parents 😉) try and diminish them or change you. Instead, see the value in your uniqueness and let that lead you to live your most authentic and best life. This does not mean that you should not work on self-improvement throughout your life, but do so while remaining loyal to what makes you…YOU!

Love,

Nana