BE Loved

Letter #4 of a series...

Lesson #4: LOVE is life's elixir ❤️

Dear Future Grandchildren,

I loved my maternal grandmother, Vincenza, deeply. As her youngest grandchild, I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with her and we became buddies. She was pregnant with my mom when she journeyed from Italy by boat to meet up with my grandfather, Nunziato, here in the United States. I loved her for being strong enough to take that trip ALONE (while pregnant no less!) and for believing in the chance for a better life here in America. I also loved her spunk and cunningness as demonstrated in the story of her arrival.

As I was told, she arrived to Ellis Island on the evening of July 4, 1928 to an array of fireworks. Because she had never seen or heard them before, she feared it was gunshots so she hid behind a large barrel as the other passengers departed the boat. Meanwhile, my grandfather waited for her anxiously -watching passenger after passenger walk by with no sign of Vincenza in sight. Eventually, she disembarked after being found behind the barrel and taken for psychiatric evaluation before being allowed to get off! I loved hearing her tell that story in her broken English and I loved that she showed great resilience during such a traumatic introduction to her new home!

But, it’s the small things about her that I loved the most. I loved the way she so swiftly and effortlessly cut the skin off an apple - in a spiral using a small pairing knife- and then would offer me a fresh slice while we sat together on the couch after school. I loved that she loved to watch professional wrestling - which I always found to be such an ill-suited and kooky interest of hers! I loved how she always smelled either of garlic or Jean Nate perfume (google it!). I loved how she taught me the Italian tradition of banging pots and pans together at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. I loved the simplicity of her life in her little row house in west Philadelphia with a kitchen the size of today's medium bathroom and a living room closet with only a vacuum and her one winter coat in it! I loved how her hands felt. They were big and wrinkly, but so incredibly soft - maybe from all the olive oil she used? I loved that she couldn’t pronounce my name so she called me ‘Jenna-free’ or 'Stringa Bean' (I was a pretty skinny kid!). And, I loved her funny stories like the one about the one-eyed horse who stuck his head in her dutch door (google it) of her childhood home in Italy and ate the freshly baked pie right off the table! Oh, I loved so many things about her and I was devastated when she died in 1995.

Fast forward to the 2020’s when while reading ‘The Meaning of Life’ by Viktor Frankl - a Neurologist, Psychiatrist, and Philosopher who survived the Holocaust (Do they still teach you about the Holocaust? I hope so! Also, please read his book someday!)... I had an epiphany! In the book, Viktor explains what it was like in his concentration camp and how he was separated from his beloved wife who was in the women’s camp. He describes how at one point when the men were feebly marching through ice and snow towards their next work site - while being shouted out, poked, and prodded by the vicious German soldiers - one of the men near him said, “I wonder how the women are doing”. With that Viktor looked to the sky and imagined his wife’s image. He saw her smile, he felt encouraged, and he felt loved. He went on to say that he then realized “…love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. The salvation of man is through love and in love.” This brave, incredible man was able to know bliss for a brief moment despite experiencing the most horrific of conditions. That is how powerful the love between he and his wife was - AMAZING! I read that... and then I understood.

The love I had for Vincenza is still alive within me! It didn’t ‘die’ when she did. Love is a permanent part of your mind, your spirit, and your soul. It will forever exist in you even during despondency or death. My love for her is so strong that, if I try very hard, I can literally feel what it felt to hold her big, soft hands. A memory of touch is an elusive one so surely that is a testament to the power of our love. You see, love is eternal and it’s a universal elixir for all of life’s woes. It’s a feeling that you can summon at any time because it is omnipresent and always accessible. Love is the most powerful of emotions because it can never, ever be taken away from you.

So, when you're feeling down, think of someone you love. When you're nervous or scared, think of someone you love. When you're lonely or discouraged, think of someone you love. When you're anxious or angry, think of someone you love. When nothing else seems to make you feel better, think of someone you love. I hope, at times, the person you think about is me, but more importantly, please know that whomever you love enough to choose as ‘your Vincenza’ shares his/her love with you unabashedly and eternally.

Love,

Nana XXOO